Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
