She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
