im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
