Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Randomize
