OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
