Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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