Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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