So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
