You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
