Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
