Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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