i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
