he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
