I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
