now i know why i became what i already was.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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