please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
