I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Rumble strips road head = magical
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
