OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
