Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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