I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
