She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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