so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Drake has all the answers
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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