you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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