My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize