I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
