I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish you could order shots online.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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