When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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