A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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