I skipped work to stalk him.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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