Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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