Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
