I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
