You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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