help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
