Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
