I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
