um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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