Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
