Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
