You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
