Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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