Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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