in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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