i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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