That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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