Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
