i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
