Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
