Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
