Moan for me like Helen Keller
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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